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Dear Friends: a tale of ADHD friendship

Dear Friends: I forget you exist.

I want to say I am really sorry about that, but it is one of the most frustrating parts of living with ADHD.

Some people call it object permanence, which is you remember from developmental psychology in high school, is a small child's ability to understand that something exists when they can't see it.

It is the whole "out of sight, out of mind" concept.

But it isn't quite like that. I KNOW you exist, I really do. Just like I know my keys still exist, but I still don't know where I put them (like every day - and trust me, I try to have a "spot" for them, but my brain also doesn't remember that I made a spot for them).

The problem is that if you are not right in my face, or present in my cognition for some reason, then my brain just defaults to not thinking about you.

It sounds shitty. I know. This is the reality of ADHD friendship.

However, I still like you and want to do things with you.

I just need you to carry a lot of the load. And I know your lift is heavy - we all have a lot going on. I wish I could say I am sorry about it, but it is not something I can help.

I legit have to schedule time to remember you in my calendar, which is already actually 17 color-coded calendars on one screen that overwhelms me into task paralysis (another topic, for another day, when I am as hyper-focused as I am now - which is another topic for another day, kind of like my use of parentheses in my writing because that is how I think - which is another topic for another day).

Friendship is overwhelming for me. I value you a lot. I just need your help by reaching out. Send me a stupid meme. Tell me I forgot to make plans. Ask me a random question to remind me to connect with you.

If that is too much, and you have a lot on your plate. TELL ME. I will put you on my insane calendar. That isn't an insult. It is just how my ADHD-riddled brain works.

I am starting to ramble and lose focus, so I just wanted to say thank you for being my friend when I know it can be hard to feel like you aren't seen.




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