My first marriage was a success.
Now, wait - those of you who know me know that I filed for divorce 356 days after we said "I do."
Charlie was only 3 weeks old. I found text messages between my former husband and a girl I went to high school with, talking about being in love and wanting to be together. He cleverly hid them under the name "Seth."
*snorts in FAFO delight*
But - and I say this with 100% confidence - my first marriage was a success.
We were young - I had just turned 24, he was 25.
We had met two weeks before I drove out to Colorado, and then seriously only dated 6 months before he proposed, right as I was buying a house. We got pregnant really fast.
Young and dumb.
I was an erratic dreamer with undiagnosed ADHD, he was a blue-blooded American people-pleaser.
...and thank goodness we both evolved since our early 20s.
And recently, with his second marriage coming to an end, as we chat about logistics with Charlie, I realize that we are quite successful at this whole thing.
I realize too, that it is because we made conscious decisions to parent together. There are days where we argue and hate each other. We disagree on things all. the. time. I could tell you about numerous fallings-out, and then coming back together for our child.
He has another daughter, who I love dearly. No questions asked. Because she is Charlie's half sister, I would absolutely lay down my life to protect her.
Our marriage was a success because we chose to end it when we realized we weren't a good match.
Our separate parenting is a success because when it matters most we both put our child above our own needs.
Our friendship is a success because it has endured one of the most difficult things a couple can go through.
The fact that he reaches out to me when he is struggling with his personal life, and trusts me as a parent, speaks volumes about his character as not only my son's father, but as a person.
So sure, we got divorced. That divorce felt like a huge failure. We both struggled to deal with that (hellloooooo perfectionism times two).
However, we both became totally different people that would be ultimately miserable had we stayed together. He wanted a stable wife who would raise his children and have the white picket-fence dream. I wanted to own twelve dogs and three businesses and have one kid and travel the world.
We created space so that we could grow into who we were meant to be before the world tried to tell us who we should be.
In the end, we backed out before we stole the most valuable thing of all from each other: time.
Marie + Jeremy: 1
Toxic Relationship: 0
What a great win for us.